Change of Times – The Day the Clock Stopped.

Do you have something, an item or chotchky, that you have held onto through the years for no good reason other than because it held some nostalgic link to your past? For some unexplained reason you just couldn’t get yourself to throw it out?

My nostalgic item from college was a clock. A stupid black and white, cheap, whopping TEN dollar wall clock from Target. I bought it the fall semester of my sophomore year when I had just moved into my sorority for the first time. I lived with 3 other girls and when we were decorating our room, I bought this little cheap clock to hang on our wall. It hung above us all, above our couch in a spot where we all could see it. At the end of the semester, I moved down the hall and it came with me. Every time I moved, in college and even in Chicago, it came with me. The Clock found a spot on a bedroom or bathroom wall in every apartment I’ve had ever since. It became a staple of my room. While a lot of stuff got tossed when I moved to DC, I was sure it made the trip with me when I shipped my stuff. I didn’t know what it was about The Clock, but it made me comfortable knowing it was there. The place never felt like home until it was hanging on the wall. As the years passed, I changed but The Clock stayed a constant in my life.

It was a good cheap little clock; I rarely ever had to change the battery on it, maybe max two or three times in 9 years. That’s magical in clock lives. When I arrived in DC, it was one of the first things I unpacked. I immediately hung it on the bathroom wall and felt comforted. I noticed that afternoon that The Clock had stopped. So, naturally, I replaced the battery. It worked for about 15 minutes and then stopped again. So I bought a brand new pack of batteries and tried again. It not only stopped working, it killed the brand new batteries. This repeated 3 or 4 times before I finally gave in and said my goodbye. It wasn’t the batteries, The Clock had had enough. I paused and had a bit of a hesitation when I put it in the trash but knew it was for the best.

When I first bought The Clock in 2004, it was symbolic of the times changing. I was no longer a silly naïve young Freshman at Indiana University. I knew the campus, I was older, wiser and now I was a sorority girl living in a sorority house. I was on the verge of a lot of change and had a lot of adventures and growth ahead of me. 

Looking back, it is goofy that I had an attachment to a clock. But when I stop to think about it – it is quite symbolic of my life. It was with me for almost 9 years. It was there with me through all my college experiences. It was like a fly on my wall that witnessed many firsts and tears, tons of late night girl chats, silly sorority girl fights, hours of long studying, boy crushes, and while I didn’t realize it at the time, it likely was with me from the very first time I ever met The Ex, 3 years before we ever dated. It was with me through our entire relationship and as I lived out The Year of Caryn, looking to rediscover and find myself, it was there.

I moved to DC because I felt in my heart that I needed a fresh start. I wanted to put the past behind me and start a new. I knew it was time for a new chapter in my life to begin, time for new adventures and for change. While the clock used to be a constant in my life, I’ve learned that the only thing that is constant, is change.

It’s funny – it wasn’t just a silly cheap little clock, after all. It represented almost an entire decade of my life. There was no logical explanation as to why this move was any different from the many that came before, or why The Clock was hell-bent on killing every new battery I tried. The only thing that was different was me. I had changed. I am not the same girl who bought it 9 years ago nor am I even the same woman I was when I said goodbye to The Ex. The fact that the day The Clock stopped was the very day I moved in to my new apartment, in a new city; the day I was starting over with new adventures and a new beginning, is just too wild to be a coincidence. Moving here, I told the Universe I was ready to put all that had happened in Clock Decade behind me in order to embark on this new path. Just like that part of my life, The Clock is just a nostalgic memory now. I had to say goodbye to it, move on, start fresh and buy a new clock to go on the wall. Change of times, indeed.

dali melting clock

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On Saturn Return, Soul Searching and Personal Growth

It wasn’t until I had a conversation with my sister about potential new names for my blog that I learned about the astrological occurrence called Saturn Return. It was then that a light bulb went off and I felt as if everything made sense. While I am not a devout believer in astrology, I do think they are on to something here. Things are aligning just too perfect to ignore.

So what exactly is Saturn Return?

In short, astrologists believe in something called “The Saturn Return”, a period of intense and often turbulent soul-searching that starts around age 27 and continues until the early 30s. It is when the planet Saturn has completed its orbit around the sun and returns to the place it was when you were born – your Saturn Return. This cycle can take up to 29.5 years to complete and can begin as early as age 27. According to astrologists, true adulthood begins at age 29 and not at 21 as we are led to believe. It is said that the 27th year is an intense one, one full of soul-searching, self-reflection, self-discovery and personal growth. It’s a time of endings and new beginnings.

This is the time in your life when you reflect on who you were, re-evaluate who you are, and explore who you desire to become. This process of introspection and self-realization is important in order to grow and reach your full potential. The Saturn Returns every 29 years so these are times of great change and opportunity. They can also be times of crisis. This is when we come into our Self and align with our life’s true path.

It is common for people to make significant career, personal or relationship changes during this time. We’ve all seen people who rushed to get married, or pregnant, or divorced, or change careers, all before they turned 30, only to then stop and question if those were actually the right choices. Is it Saturn Return or are people just impulsive in their early 20’s and have grown up by 30?

After all that has happened for me this year, this Saturn Return cycle really struck a chord and resonated with me. When I turned 27 last Christmas, something inside of me shifted. I suddenly questioned everything I knew, everything I wanted out of life, what my full potential could be, and questioned who I wanted to become. I wondered if I was living my life as I wanted it to be or the life I thought was for me. I questioned my very foundation. Now I’m on a positive path of self-discovery, soul-searching, and personal growth. I am finally becoming more comfortable with and accepting who I am. I had no idea about the astrological significance of what this year, my 27th year, would bring when I unknowingly deemed this year ‘The Year Of Caryn’.

Saturn asks you to imagine yourself at age 80, looking back on your life.  Did you achieve your full potential and live true to yourself? Did you accomplish what you wanted out of life? What will you regret not doing because you were too afraid to take a risk?